Seattle, Washington
Written June 1, 2008

ACCOUNTING

“What did you learn in school today?”
A question we ask children. Why are we surprised at the stock answer?
“Nothing.” or “I dunno.”

If we understand the interchange as a mere formality between adults and kids - like “Hey, how are you?” “OK.” - then the mission is accomplished - we’ve noticed each other. But if you really want information on what the kid learned in school, then you need to first understand that the kid’s suspicions are immediately aroused by what seems like an oncoming investigation: “Uh-Oh.”

Better you should be more specific and empathetic. For example: “When I was in fourth grade I learned about Chicago. I will never forget Chicago, even though I’ve never been. Do they still teach Chicago?” It’s an opening for a conversation. Little kids recognize that and will talk to you. Maybe not about Chicago, but about something. And isn’t it the conversation that you wanted in the first place, not an accounting of educational increase?

Somewhere along the way we quit asking “What did you learn in school today?” Never have I, as an adult, asked or been asked that - by a kid or another adult. But I was asked yesterday by a boy at a funeral. He was on the sidelines reading a book. The last Harry Potter one. I am also a reader, so I asked him about his book - one I had not read - and we talked.

As the conversation was winding down, he asked me, “Do you still learn stuff?” “Yes.” But he didn’t get to ask “Like what?” because some other people came over and interrupted our conversation.

I thought about his question all afternoon. And again this morning. Suppose I had to write a report. “What I Learned This Week - by Bobby Fulghum.”
Not all of it is consequential - as is often the case in education. Never the less, here is a partial list - things I learned, that you might want to know:

1. If you read in bed at night, and if you like noting important passages with a permanent yellow marker pen, and if you fall asleep with both the book and the marker still open, when you wake up in the morning in the dark and bumble down to the bathroom, you will see in the mirror that your skin has developed yellow blotches and you will think, for a moment, that you have a tropical disease. You will be wider awake than you want to be.

2. Permanent yellow marker cannot be removed from sheets and pillow cases. Not even with Goo Gone or its companion product, Goof Off.

3. Factoid: Hit at three miles an hour by the bumper of a car backing up, a large plastic recycle bin will travel thirty feet across a street. When it hits the curb, it will stop. And fall over. And spill its contents across the sidewalk. If this happens at the edge of a primary school playground where children are present, they will be massively entertained. You will not be. And you cannot say aloud what you are thinking because children are present.

4. If you have large scarlet-red oriental poppies blooming in your yard, and you want to cut some and bring them inside, even though you know they will not last the day, if you immediately burn the end of the cut stem with a candle flame before putting them into warm water in a vase, they will last a week. And if you let the petals fall and leave them where they are, the petals will last another three days in a beautiful scarlet-red ring around the vase.

5. If you have a birthday coming, but you don’t want to celebrate yourself, but what you would like is to be with a group of friends who are far away, you can send two of them a fish - a huge copper river Alaska King Salmon - by air express, knowing full well they will have to invite the rest of your friends to eat the thing. And they will all have a grand time and think well of you. And you don’t even have to be there to have them sing the song at you. This technique is called “Giving Away Your Birthday.”

6. If you have an older neighbor - one you see every day - and she dies and you go to the memorial service, you will learn amazing things about that neighbor that, had you known, you would have made a point of sitting down with her and getting her to tell you all about. And you would have had something really fascinating to answer if anybody asked you, “What did you learn today?”

7. Asking is usually a good thing.