Pack Creek Ranch, San Juan County, Utah
May, the second week, 2012
Warm with thundershowers
BETWEEN DEATH AND IGNORANCE -
Most personal injury accidents occur within 25 miles of your home.
And moving 25 miles away won’t help.
Because you go with you if you move.
And the problem is you.
The most dangerous person in your life is the person you sleep next to.
Domestic violence is most likely to come from your husband/wife/lover.
And you are the most threat to them.
You are a very dangerous person.
The most pain and sorrow you will ever experience will come from those who are family – blood kin, in-laws, spouses – those who say “I love you” will hurt you the most.
And you are the most likely to cause pain to them.
You are not likely to die in an airplane crash or terrorist attach or be hit by lightning or catch mad cow disease or AIDs.
You will most likely die in an automobile accident.
When you are driving.
The most likely place for you to catch a contagious disease is from holding the handle of a supermarket grocery cart or from touching a small child.
You are courting illness or death if you do.
The most toxic place in your house is your kitchen sink.
The most germ ridden item in your house is not your toilet.
It’s your kitchen sponge.
The one you use to wash dishes, clean your shoes and wipe the floor with.
You are a spreader of deadly disease.
Why am I telling you these things – as if you didn’t know?
Why am I always the last one to get the word?
Information like this piles up in the back of my head, collects dust, and life goes on - until a new factoid comes along – raising the fear factor to red.
And I am alarmed all over again.
The kitchen sponge thing, for example.
My wife caught me washing off my shoes with it.
“Now we’re both going to die because of you,” she said.
So I checked it out on the web and got cold chills from what I read.
Trillions of bacteria of the most deadly kind are in the kitchen sponge.
E-coli, the Plague, athlete’s foot, dandruff, Dutch Elm disease, Hanta virus.
The kitchen sponge is a neutron bomb ready to go off.
I should be dead by now.
So. Home is dangerous, my wife is dangerous, my relatives are dangerous, grocery carts are dangerous, little kids are dangerous, I am dangerous . . .
And now . . . the kitchen sponge.
How have I survived this long?
How can I go on?
The solution seems to be microwaves.
Put the sponge in the microwave every day.
And my wife?
And my relatives?
And little kids?
So I microwaved the hell out of the kitchen sponge.
We’re having it for dinner.